From the time I was a small child, I dreamed of being a mommy. I took the roll of mommy to my dolls very seriously. Before I went to bed at night, they were perfectly placed in a high chair, or “asleep” in bed, or laying in the pram. It would hurt my heart when I’d go to a friends house and see dolls thrown in the corner with messy hair and missing clothes. Above every ambition I had in life, being a Mommy was always the one thing I was absolutely sure about.
As life turned out, I didn’t marry until I was nearly 37. Was I impatient with God? Yes. But the truth is, God had something great waiting for me, my husband. And as I’ve said, he was worth the wait. But God wasn’t done teaching me patience.
We decided to spend a year being husband and wife. We traveled, we worked late in the office, we shared many meals and drinks with friends. When our window opened I went to see a “health consultant” who practiced eastern medicine and put me on a bunch of baby making herbs, and prescribed a liver cleanse. But nothing was happening. I went to the doctor to get a check up because my periods had also gotten pretty irregular – probably because I had always been on birth control (did I even know what ‘regular’ was anymore?). It’s hard for them to easily pinpoint fertility issues, but it wasn’t hard to pinpoint ours, because it was my husband. They told him to see Dr S and to make an appointment with a fertility doctor. He “wasn’t going to get me pregnant with these numbers”.
I’m a doer so that’s what I did. He got on a treatment plan with Dr S who was hopeful that treatment would turn things around in a few months. We finally got into see the fertility doctor, Dr A. Of course they make you wait for what seems like forever to get in. Don’t they realize we want a baby like –now? He explained that if treatment wasn’t successful IVF would be the only course. He did an ultrasound and ordered more tests. He put me on thyroid medication because my blood tests showed high antibodies and I’d likely get hashimotos eventually anyway (at least that’s how he put it). The next step was for me to take a test which required them to put dye through my fallopian tubes. It had to be a certain number of days after my last period but the problem was, I wasn’t sure when I was going to have my next period. My last period had been stimulated by my doctor for hormone testing and I hadn’t had one since then. He said ‘no problem’, gave me the shot and told me to anticipate a period in a week or so.
Ten days passed and nothing. I called Dr A’s office and they told me to come in. It should have worked. So I went into his office wondering “now what’s wrong?”. He started to do the ultrasound and said “Let’s take a look, maybe you’re pregnant.” Mind. Blown. That thought had not occurred to me. And I was, 6 weeks pregnant. I got in my car and cried. I cried so hard. God had showed up right at the last minute. I was going to wait until my husband got home but I couldn’t. I called him. Our dreams of starting a family were coming true.
Since I had started seeing Dr A they told me to keep coming. Which meant weekly ultrasounds and blood draws. Luckily I’m not afraid of needles because there were a lot of them and drawing blood from me is not easy. Who is the nurse who has experience drawing blood from drug addicts? I need that one. [PS for my mom’s friends, I am not a current or recovering drug addict]
And so our baby grew and grew and we found out it was a she. And we decided to give birth in a birthing center without any drugs. And I prepared for what would be the toughest physical challenge I had faced. We went to classes, I read lots of books, I had a personal trainer, I did squats every day, I had chiropractic care, I even had a physical therapist who specializes in the hoohaa (that’s a technical term). My friends now call her the “vagina whisperer”. [On a side note she has helped several of my friends now with a wide range of issues like incontinence, trouble orgasming and pain during sex].
My pregnancy wasn’t perfect. My initial A1C reading suggested I should monitor my blood sugars through my pregnancy and have regular check ins. That meant I wasn’t going to get to eat donuts and pasta and all the other things a pregnant girl feels entitled too. It was actually a really frustrating part of my pregnancy because it was so important for me to give her the best start. When I had trouble keeping my blood sugars in range, I would sometimes break down. I was working full time and remodeling my house at the time. I finally hired a meal delivery service in LA to specially prepare all my meals and drop them off at my house. On the plus side, I only gained 25lbs in my pregnancy, and I never had to try and lose it. I also had to continue seeing an internist who was constantly adjusting my vitamins and thyroid medications. But God did give me the rainbow after the storm. My labor was less than 4 hours and I pulled that baby out with my own 2 hands. She was perfect. I was home in my bed 4 hours later with her by my side. And the ‘vagina whisperer’ worked, I didn’t tear. [actually I have to give some good credit to my husband who massaged my hoohaa with coconut oil the last month of my pregnancy].
Yes, sometimes I envy women who just easily get pregnant, eat what they want, check in to the hospital and feel no pain during child birth. But that’s not my story.
And as things go, our daughter London was higher needs than most. She wanted to be held constantly, hated the car seat and strollers and wanted to nurse every 2-3 hours every night. But then she got older, we sleep trained her and we found our way back to normalcy. And she is amazing.
I consulted a new naturepathic doctor I wanted to start seeing who encouraged me to consider weening London around 9 months, so I could get my period back and start working on another baby. Time was ticking.
Weening turned out to be pretty easy. This baby who refused to take a bottle when I went back to work full time was now frustrated with my reduced milk production and was ready to make the switch. And so, not too much later I was pregnant.
I'll go first 