We found out a week or so before Thanksgiving. The family was so excited to hear about our July baby. In my calculating mind everything about this baby was perfect. July baby would be born in a slow season at work, close in age to my daughter, and 6 months away from Christmas which would be great for gifts. And then a week before Christmas we went in for our ultrasound. The technician was really quiet. She left and my husband and I looked at each other and we knew – something was wrong. The baby should have had a heart beat, yet she didn’t play one for us. She came back in and told us that she couldn’t tell us what the results were, and we needed to call the Midwifery. We got into the car and finally reached the midwife who told us the baby was dead. But that wasn’t all, now we had to schedule a DNC. For those who don’t know what that is (because I didn’t), it’s an abortion. We had to rush the procedure and push our travel plans. I think I was so busy trying to figure out how to fit it in that I didn’t really have enough time to mourn my baby. I was on a plane the next day.
Miscarriages happen all the time (10-25% of all pregnancies). There was something wrong with the baby and so that was just my body doing what it was made to do, I reassured myself. And just like that, I was pregnant again.
This was my October baby. One of my closest friends was also pregnant, and we were excited about having our babies at the same time. But of course, in the back of my mind, I didn’t want to get too excited because, what if. And so we scheduled another early ultrasound (with a different place because we weren’t going to go through that again). I knew within 30 seconds, something was wrong. She started asking me questions about how far along I was, and I just knew. The baby had a heart beat, we could see that, but the doctor came in to tell us that there were some items of concern. I knew my dates exactly, yet the baby was measuring smaller and the sack was irregularly shaped. They didn’t know for sure if I’d miscarry, but they wanted to keep a watch and told me to come back in a week.
I came home and just cried. All I wanted was to go into the ultrasound and have them say, “everything looks great!” Why couldn’t I have that? I was certain I’d miscarry again and within days I started bleeding. I texted with the midwife. I remember telling her – “I think what we think is happening is happening”. I was devastated. I went back to my follow up ultrasound and it was confirmed.
They told me at my age, I should look into IVF, so that they could ensure the embryos were normal. Dr A’s office was in the same building, so we walked right into his office and made an appointment.
I'll go first 