Susan’s Story

Let me introduce you to my friend Susan.  She and her husband met 20 years ago and they have been married for 10 years.  She had the same plan many women do, get married and have babies.  She wanted 3 by the time she was 40, but God had other plans.  At 33, after several years of trying without results, she went to the doctor to be checked.  Like so many couples suffering with infertility, doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with her or her husband.  They called it “unexplained” or “mysterious” infertility.  She was shocked because she never would have imagined that she would have a problem getting pregnant.  She didn’t know women who had suffered with infertility, and she didn’t understand it, until she was faced with her new reality. 

They first decided to try a few rounds of IUI (insemination).  They all failed.  Her hormones were running wild and her husband didn’t know how to cope with the mood swings.  The doctors walked her through the steps of the procedures, but no one prepared her or her husband, for the emotional journey they were starting.  Susan started to suffer from depression.  She never thought she would find herself in this deep, dark place and she didn’t know how she would get out.  They went through their first IVF cycle.  It almost became too much for her to handle and, in an attempt to find an escape, she had an affair.

Few people talk about the strain infertility can put on a marriage.  Infertility treatments can often exacerbate the situation because almost all of the treatment is on the woman.  She’s taking shots and dealing with changes in her body chemistry.  She’s making changes to her diet and habits and arranging her schedule around shot times. She’s attending all the doctor’s appointments, having blood drawn and ultrasounds weekly if not daily.  Men often feel helpless and unneeded.  Jamie’s husband struggled to find a way to be supportive, and left her feeling alone, until she wasn’t.  She wondered how she was even capable of doing this.  It was a painful and confusing time for her, but she decided to seek out help.  She went to a few therapists and support groups to try and understand and process everything that had been thrown at her. 

In the end, the only one that could get her through the storm was God. She turned more and more over to Him, and although things didn’t change overnight, they did start improving for the better.  She learned how to live in relationship with God.  She learned who she was and whose she was. God mended her heart, healed her soul and saved her life.

Susan and her husband healed their relationship too, but their struggle with infertility isn’t over yet.  In the last 3 years she has had 3 egg retrievals and 1 failed embryo transfer.  She has 1 genetically normal embryo that is frozen and she’s planning on doing another egg retrieval early next year to see if they can get additional embroys before attempting another transfer.  Her doctor has advised her to address her physical health to ensure she is as healthy as possible which includes watching her diet, regulating her blood sugar, and losing weight.  She is tackling the challenge head on and making real progress.

She never expected to be 40 without children, but she believes God has a plan for her.  She is much healthier spiritually, mentally and physically.  She hasn’t given up hope that she’ll be pregnant and have a healthy baby in her arms soon.  She has chosen both a declaration and a verse to tie her down when her mind wants to creep back to that dark place. 

I DECLARE I am fertile and will be a great mom.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I am proud of Susan for being brave enough to share her story.  There are so many that have been hiding in the shadows that many of us thought we were the only ones. If you have a story about infertility and/or miscarriage you would like to share, please let me know.