The week before and the week after the retrieval. Round 5.

So here we are, with just a few days until Mother’s Day. This is a special day to appreciate all moms do for us. But it’s also a painful reminder for many women of loss and longing. I don’t even really know for sure how many little embryos I have frozen and growing, but I do know I have a saucy little 2 year old who makes me play princesses for hours on end. And for that, I am truly grateful.

For those of you interested in what this process is like, here is a snapshot of the day to day happenings of someone leading up to an egg retrieval, and the recovery afterwards. There are a lot of different protocols but this was mine.

Monday 4/29: Lupron in the morning followed by Lupron, Gonal and Omniotrope shots at night. This is my first ultrasound since I’ve been on medication. I go to acupuncture where they do a back treatment (instead of putting needles and electric current through my stomach they go in through the back). In the afternoon, the Doctor’s office sends the results that show they are measuring 9 follicles.

Tuesday 4/30: The same 4 daily shots.

Wednesday 5/1: The same 4 daily shots. I go in for more bloodwork and another ultrasound. That afternoon I’m emailed the follicle count. I’m up to 12. The coordinator says everything looks really good. Something just feels extra special.

Thursday 5/2: The same 4 daily shots.

Friday 5/3: The same 4 daily shots. I go into the Doctor’s office for blood work and ultrasound. Definitely starting to feel bloated now. We meet with the coordinator and she goes over everything leading up to my egg retrieval. Then I head to acupuncture. That afternoon I get the results from the ultrasound and they’re still measuring 12, but they’re growing. That’s a good thing.

Saturday 5/4: This was an interesting day because I had to combine a total of 6 shots for the day with a bachelorette party. My husband labeled my shots and packed them up for me. He set reminders on his phone, and mine, so I would take them at the precise time I was instructed. I roll up to the pool with a cooler of drugs.

I was happy to see my friends celebrating. A couple of the girls say, “How are you?” but what they really want to say is “I know you’re going through IVF, how is that going?” It takes about 5 minutes before I’m giving them an update and they are peppering me with questions. They are all very supportive and encouraging. After that, I get to spend hours by the pool hanging out with some friends. I have to order an acai bowl for lunch, because it’s pretty much the only thing that meets my current diet. I also brought my own “tortilla” chips to a Mexican restaurant for dinner (corn and gluten free!). I didn’t want to cheat at this point in the process and I also didn’t want to say “no” to chips and salsa! I gave myself 3 shots at the hotel before we left and 2 “trigger” shots in the bathroom at the restaurant. The diaper changing station was a great place to lay my needles out. There comes a point when you don’t want to miss out on anything else because of IVF. So if that means giving yourself shots in a Mexican restaurant bathroom, that’s what you do.

Sunday 5/5: Absolutely no shots. Imagine that. I do have to start a 5 day course of antibiotics in preparation for the procedure on Monday.

Monday 5/6: I show up to the surgery center at 7am. They take me back to the prep area. I undress, they give me an IV, and hook me up to the monitors. I hang out until about 8:20. I briefly meet the anesthesiologist, and my doctor. My husband and I say a prayer. We are thankful for the family we have. We are thanking God in advance that the procedure is going to go well, and that we will be adding to our family soon. I get wheeled into the operating room. The feet go up in stirrups…and I’m out. I wake up and start to acclimate. I drink Gatorade and animal crackers – two things I would never eat. But you know what? The eggs are out and so the pressure is off (of me physically). I eat them all. The doctor tells us there were 11. That’s the most we’ve had, so we are excited. I leave there around 10am. I spend the rest of the day resting in bed.

Tuesday 5/7: This is a stressful day because I know we are getting some results today. The coordinator emails them to me. I find out that from the 11, only 6 were mature enough. Of those, 5 fertilized. Our number just dropped more than half? This is not my biggest number. My last retrieval we had 7 fertilize and 3 make it to testing. I can’t help but feel disappointed. A few hours later, I try to shift my attitude. Thank you God that we have 5 embryos today! Now we have to wait until Friday to see how many we have for testing. My life group meets (small women’s bible study group) and the girls lay hands on me and pray. My glass is half full. My baby is coming.

Wednesday 5/8: I really don’t feel that great. I think I look 4 months pregnant, my stomach is like a hard rock. My pants are tight and my abdomen is sore. I go to acupuncture where they work to relieve the symptoms, and I try to just meditate on those 5 embryos. I watch them grow. I think about God looking over them as the cells divide, already having every day of their lives determined. Please God let them be strong, let them be healthy! I think about holding a baby in my arms. I think about sleeping next to a newborn baby like the day London was born. Please Heavenly Father, let this be the answer to my prayers.

Thursday 5/9: I decide to have a dirty chai latte at 1pm because I have not had any caffeine for months and I’m actually going to a black tie event that night. I’m pretty sure that’s why I had a horrible night’s sleep. I am however, starting to feel better. Less pain, less bloating, almost normal.

Friday 5/10: I was expecting to hear from the Doctor’s office on how many embryos made it to testing. That means every time I pull up my personal email, my stomach drops. All day. There isn’t any news, so I guess we will find out Monday. My assumption is that no news means that there are one to some embryos they are hoping will catch up so they can make testing. Dr. F’s office is horrible with communication so I just get to guess for now.

Keep my little tiny babies in your prayers.